This commercial seems to be targeting a young, first-time car buyer. However, there are several problems here right from the start.
The video calls for a woman in front of a white background. In fact, the whole commercial calls for talking heads, as they say in the business, and not one visual of an actual vehicle.
Another big problem with this script is that you don't find out which company is actually behind the ad until 19 seconds into the 30 second script. Video of the dealership, even with the company's signs in the background could have made a big difference in this script. Even a simple line right in the beginning that tells who you are makes this script much more effective.
This leads us up to the copy. The script's premise is good. We know who the commercial is targeting.
What we need to look at is the sentences. This section is good for a first draft but the sentences need to be tightened up so they'll flow more smoothly.
The "Of course, nowadays a lot of young people are buying trucks," line feels like it's been thrown in and then "But if you're ready..." doesn't transition well.
Think of the words that will appeal to your target audience. Then think of how you can use these words to transition into your customer testimonial. You might come up with this copy instead:
When you become an adult one of the biggest thrills is buying your first set of wheels. When you're ready to buy your first car or truck, come to [dealership name] just like [customer name] did.